[Mihail Ilarionovitch Kutuzov]
Born: 3 April, 1940 + Volgograd, Russia, USSR
Dr. Kutuzov was the head of his class at every level of academia. He attended Volgograd State Technical University, then finished his graduate work in the chemistry department of the Moscow State University, one time home of the great Dmitrii Mendeleev, father of the periodic table. Due to the oppressive life he was forced to lead during the Cold War, and his devotion to polka music, he emigrated to Wisconsin in the 1980s, and began work as a chemist for a large processed food conglomerate. His specialty was preservatives, making processed foods taste less processed for longer periods of time. He was very successful in this venture, but became tired of it and has been looking for different outlets for his 'creativity.' He is currently single.